my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
