Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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