If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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