I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My liver just broke up with me...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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