So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
