This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
