She is in my trunk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
