Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
