He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
