i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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