How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The beer is more important than you right now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Enjoy the penises
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize