he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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