may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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