Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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