he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
