I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm too high and old for this...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
