if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize