Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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