I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
