Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
