Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
