This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
