What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
