If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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