I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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