dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
