sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
