that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's get the cat blown out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
