Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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