you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
