About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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