U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I enjoy the company of your penis
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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