WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
