my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
