he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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