if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
