Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
