But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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