Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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