So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
