Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
