im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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