What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
