I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
