i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize