im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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