just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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