I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
