what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
In America we eat man semen.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
