my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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