No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
its liver damage thursday
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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