Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize