Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How does one acquire holy water?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
