Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
