These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
