Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
