How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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