I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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