mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
