Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
