Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize