No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize