people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
