First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sex in a hospital.. check
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
