24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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