I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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