Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
