Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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