What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize